I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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