My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
