where am i from again
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
