see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
