Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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