He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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