I just threw up on my dentist
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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