You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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