piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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