i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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