The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
