omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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