What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
