is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
