so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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