I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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