My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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