The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
