Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
