Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
