i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
