I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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