My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
