i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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