so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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