I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
