...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
