I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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