just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
