No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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