vagina is talking i cant
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
