Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
