my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
