break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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