she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
