drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
