His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
