WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
