Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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