I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
