There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
