This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
