you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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