If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
