Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
