I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
