My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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