All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
