they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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