Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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