So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
