What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
