Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
