I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
