After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just gift wrapped bread.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
